If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
