Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
