your room smells of hookers.
And success
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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