So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
