so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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