I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
