dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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