I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
