Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
