I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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