3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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