I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
