he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish i was in the wii world.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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