lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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