I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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