Whod you bang
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dont even know how to be here
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
