Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
