Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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