She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
