I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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