I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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