They should really pass out barf bags in church
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
