Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
