sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
