I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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