His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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