dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
