My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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