dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
