I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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