Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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