i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
