"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
