I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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