I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
