its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
