Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
