RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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