Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
