she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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