and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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