carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
