I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Are my feet made of real feet?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
