Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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