nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
