Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
