Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
