You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
