Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
