when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i drank out of a bidet.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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