Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
