I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
