mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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